In life, you can’t do everything, there are rules to respect! How to educate your child and teach him to respect authority, parental or otherwise? Magicmaman gives you all its advice so that your child understands the rules as soon as possible.
Not easy to establish his authority
In adolescence, these children who were said to be so well raised break the law ”, she points out to us. Hence the importance of appealing to your child’s understanding rather than imposing rules that do not make sense to him . To get his support rather than pouring him into a mould. To teach him to obey rather than submit.
To be able to live in society, your child must integrate three fundamental taboos:
- One cannot be the husband/wife of his/her father/mother. Therefore, one does not go to one’s parents’ bed and let them kiss each other without getting angry or trying to separate them. If you let it go, you validate your toddler’s incest fantasy , which then knows no limits…
- We don’t hit the other . Put it simply: “ Your dad doesn’t hit the neighbor every time he turns his TV on too high or leaves his garbage bag lying outside the door. You don’t hit your boyfriend either because he pissed you off . »
- One does not have what the other has. You don’t take your toys, you don’t damage your clothes, etc. because it belongs to him and it would hurt him.
It’s up to you to show him that you are ready to enforce them! ” A child perceives very well the determination and the conviction of the adult “, observes Claude Halmos. Explain to him the reason for your request once (you are not snatching this toy from your brother’s hands, it is up to him to decide if he wants to lend it to you), possibly twice if he does not seem have understood correctly.
But, on the third, be firm: “ You heard me very well, now you do what I ask of you, that’s all . » He doesYou have the right to show your anger. Announce what will happen: “ You know the rule, you will be punished. Above all, don’t go into endless explanations, you don’t have to win his support at all costs. The more you talk, the more he will try to negotiate.
What if he still doesn’t follow the rules?
You have set the rules but nothing to do! Your little one does not respect them. “ A child who systematically transgresses can be a child who encounters difficulties that he cannot express otherwise ,” observes Claude Halmos. If your little one is constantly disobeying and repeatedly misbehaving, take the time to talk to him . The fact that you are listening to him will allow him to become aware of his behavior and gradually manage to express his anxieties through words instead of putting them into action.
It’s usually related to what the parent himself has been through. Either he did not receive limits when he was little, and he has trouble finding the benchmarks to give to his child. Or, on the contrary, he has the memory of having been the victim of the tyranny of adults, subjected to arbitrariness, humiliated, and, consciously or unconsciously, he is afraid of imposing the same thing on his child. »
Raising your child: 9 mistakes not to make
1 – Believe that your child will understand and learn the rules on their own. He needs you to train him to grow.
2 – Thinking that, because you have explained the rules, it is no longer necessary to impose them. A fight phase is inevitable.
3 – Forbid everything. The “everything forbidden” is not only destructive but also counterproductive.
4 – Give orders without explaining , train your child to obey.
5 – Promising a punishment and not giving it. You lose all credibility. Next time, he’ll look at you with a smirk.
6 – Prohibit one day, allow the next.Your child needs consistency, otherwise he doesn’t understand anything.
7 – Being terrified at the idea of making your little one suffer. Of course, you impose frustrations on him . But these are normal and unavoidable sufferings . It’s the same when you ask him not to put his hand in the socket!
8 – Assimilate your child to his actions.He stole a trinket from the supermarket? No need to humiliate him by calling him a thief. You have to explain to him what theft is, tell him that it is sanctioned by society and warn him that he himself will be punished if he does it again.